


The Same Old Song

by TheFabRosevest



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Drugs, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-06-14
Packaged: 2017-12-15 00:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFabRosevest/pseuds/TheFabRosevest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>We were one of those couples that were always holding hands and kissing in school … we were like that for two years straight.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Same Old Song

Ryan and I met in high school. I was the new kid no one liked and he was the popular kid who wore make up and went to parties. The first time we talked, I was lost in a hallway and he was just standing there, listening to music. I tapped him on the shoulder and he took off his earphones. I asked him if he could help me and at first he sent me a weird look but then he smiled and nodded. He helped me to class and we realized that we had quite a few classes together.

We started hanging out. He dragged me to a few parties at first, but he soon realized that I wasn’t into it. He stopped going to parties to hang out with me. Most of the time, we just went out or watched a movie at my place. I was already living by myself at the age of 17 and so that wasn’t a problem.

At one of our movie nights, we suddenly started making out and that was the beginning of my relationship with Ryan Ross.

You know those couples who are always holding hands and are kissing in school? The ones who are never separated, you always see them together. The couple who is just too perfect to be true.

We were one of those couples.

We were like that for two years straight.

When we finished school, Ryan moved in with me. I already had a job at Starbucks and he got a job at a small bookstore to help me pay the rent. We weren’t rich, but we were happy, and that was all that mattered to us.

We never really fought and when we did, I just had to pout and he would give in. I would smile and kiss him and everything would be perfect again.

One time, it wasn’t so easy. No idea what the fight was about, but does it matter? All I know is that he left after we yelled for quite a while and I opened a bottle of vodka. Half an hour later, the guy who was living in the apartment next to us knocked on my door. He asked if something was wrong and I let him in and told him a bit. I had a little crush on him before Ryan and I got together and under the circumstances (including me being pretty drunk), we ended up making out on the couch. I didn’t care at that moment. I was angry.

Long story short, it ended with us in bed … having sex. Yes, I am an asshole.

In the middle of it, Ryan decided to come home. He caught us, of course, and left the room, crying.

I jumped off the bed immediately and tried to hold him back, to explain. He wouldn’t listen to me. We started yelling again and when he threw insults at me for being a slut, my hand just slipped and I hit him.

Big mistake when someone had an abusive father.

That was how it ended. Ryan went silent and left. The only time I saw him after that was when he came by to get his things. That one time, I tried to explain it again. I started crying and apologizing, but he didn’t even look at me.

That was how it ended … the best time of my miserable life.

 

*

 

One year after that, I was still regretting it. Everything. It had been my own fault that Ryan had left. I had no right to be upset. I had fucked up and I had to pay the price for it.

The first six month after Ryan had left, I just sat in my apartment, doing nothing. I quit my job at Starbucks, no idea why. I think I did it because I wanted to be able to do nothing at all. Well, my plan worked. A few weeks after I quit my job, Jon rushed in my living room. Jon was an old friend of mine who lived a few hours away, but sometimes, he came by.

“Alright, get up!” he said angrily.

I looked up at him sleepily.

“How did you get in here?” I asked.

“You gave me a key when you moved in, remember?”

I nodded and nuzzled my face into my pillow again. I heard Jon groan and then my beloved pillow was gone.

“Jon, what the fuck?”

When I looked up at him, I saw his angry expression.

“You are wasting your life and I will not just watch you do it.” He said. “Now get up, take a shower, shave and then we’re tidying up in here.”

I glared at him, but he just glared back and in no time I was in my bathroom and about to take a shower.

Damn you, Jon Walker.

After finishing everything Jon ordered, I walked out into the living room again.

“Help me wash the dishes.” He ordered, but I just shook my head.

“Listen, I really appreciate that you want to help me, but this is my own fault and I have to deal with it.” I said.

“I’m not here to help you. That little fact is just an honour you’re given because I’m in town anyway.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“And why are you here?”

He sighed and sat down on the couch.

“You remember my uncle? The one who owned the music store down the street?”

I nodded.

“He died in a car accident.”

“Oh … sorry”

I sat down beside him and turned to hug him.

“It’s okay … we weren’t that close.”

I had to admit that I didn’t really remember Jon’s uncle. I remembered the music store though. It wasn’t really huge, but popular. I had been there a few times, not that often, but everyone knew the shop.

“So you’re here for the funeral?”

He nodded.

“When is it?”

“Tomorrow”

“I’ll be there, of course.”

He nodded again and looked up at me.

“Thanks, but you don’t have to … I know that you have enough stress as it is, with Ryan and all that.”

Well, thank you for reminding me of that.

“No, it’s okay.”

 

*

 

I hated funerals. I just remembered that. Everyone was dressed in black and crying and I just couldn’t stand it. I stayed away from them by a few feet. I could see Jon standing by the grave. His eyes were red but I he wasn’t crying.

It didn’t take really long. Maybe half an hour and then people started to leave. I watched them for a bit till I felt comfortable enough to walk over to Jon.

“Hey” I whispered.

“Hey” he murmured back.

Great, I didn’t know what else to say.

“When are you leaving town again?” I asked.

“Today … in the evening.”

“Oh”

We stood there for a few minutes, just staring at the grave in front of us. I almost didn’t notice when Jon started walking off and I quickly followed.

“You don’t have to leave, you know? You could stay with me for a few days.” I said.

He turned around and sighed.

“I have to work tomorrow, I can’t stay.”

“Oh”

“I’m sorry, Bren. I know that you’re feeling lonely and stuff. Especially after Ryan left, but you have to go on with your life. It’s still worth something, even without him.”

“Not really”

“Come on, it doesn’t seem as if he misses you, does it? He would have called or something.”

“He wouldn’t have. Even if it would kill him on the inside, he wouldn’t call. He’s stubborn, Jon.”

Jon brought his hand up to tweak his nose.

“Listen, just forget him, alright?”

I was getting angry. He dared telling me to forget Ryan? One of the only things I did right in my life? Well, before I screwed up, of course.

Jon didn’t miss the look on my face, because he started talking again.

“Bren, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Of course, you shouldn’t forget him. I never really liked him, I have to admit, but he was good for you in a way. He made you happy and now that he’s gone, I see what a wreck you are without him. But you can’t live in the past and your self-pity.”

I was still a bit angry as I continued to stare at him.

“My god, you quit your job just to lie around. That’s not a life.”

“The job wasn’t paying well anyway.” I whispered and he started to grin. “Why are you grinning?”

“Because I have a solution for you, my friend.”

“Which would be?”

“Well, my uncle left me the music store but I don’t know what to do with it and I would have to close it.”

My eyes grew wide as I realized what he wanted to tell me.

“You want me to get the music store?” I asked.

He nodded and reached into his pocket to reveal a small key. He smiled and handed it to me.

“I already did all the paper work, it’s all yours.”

I took the key from him and stared at it.

“Oh my god” I yelled and threw my arms around him to pull him into a hug. “Thank you!”

He let out a small laugh and pushed me away again.

“Don’t fuck this up, Bren.” He said before patting me on the shoulder lightly. “And you’re welcome.”

I grinned at him and he grinned back before pulling me in a one-armed hug.

“Now you have a chance to do something with your life again, use it, alright? And … try to get over Ryan, okay? I have to go now.”

I nodded and looked down when he let go of me.

“Bye” I murmured and he smiled one last time before he headed for the cemetery parking lot. I looked after him and when he was out of sight, I stared down at the small golden key in my hand.

He was right. I finally had a chance to have a good life. I would earn enough money with that store to get an actual apartment instead of the shithole I lived at now. There was just one thing I wouldn't able to do that he was asking for.

I couldn’t get over Ryan.

 

*

 

When I visited the store later that day, I couldn’t stop grinning.

I looked at the rows of CDs and the wall of guitars and to all of the music magazines and I just couldn’t hide a smile.

This was my store now.

I closed the door behind me again and started walking through the store. Actually, it was rather small. You could see everything from the entrance already, but did it matter?

I started to giggle like a small child before I made my way into the back area. There were a few boxes. Most of them were holding more CDs and there were a few more guitars. Other then that, there was a desk with a computer on it and next to it was a note. I walked over to the desk and started reading the note.

 

_Hey Bren_

_You have to run this store now and that means that you have to organize and manage it as well. I hope that’s not a problem. There’s a program on the computer that has a list with everything in the store and it refreshes daily. You have to decide yourself which music or guitars you want to get for the store, but I think you’ll manage._

_Hold your head up_

_Jon_

 

I grinned and stowed the note in my back pocket. I left the back area and let my gaze wander over the store once more before I made my way to the door to leave.

I would start it tomorrow.

I locked the door, smiled at the key and wandered down the street.

This was the first day I smiled in the last six month.

 

*

 

Three month after that, the store was running great. I have to admit that it was a bit stressful most of the time because I was running it on my own, but I was earning enough money. More then enough. No idea why I didn’t hire someone to help me out, but whatever.

I already had a bigger apartment, with a guest room and all the stuff that a real apartment had and I couldn’t be happier.

Well, I could be, but I wouldn’t think about that again.

 

It was a Friday evening and I couldn’t wait to close the store. I just wanted to go home and watch a movie or something.

I sat behind the counter, reading a magazine. I was ignoring the few costumers in the store. If they wanted to buy something, they would come.

I heard the ringing of the bell again but didn’t look up and just continued reading. It was an article about some band I didn’t know but they seemed cool. I should listen to a few of their songs sometime.

After a few minutes I heard soft footsteps and a cough. I lowered the magazine to look at the person and the magazine slipped out of my hands and landed on the floor. I froze as honey eyes were staring at me.

“R-Ry” I stuttered.

He continued to stare at me for a few seconds before he caught himself again.

“Don’t call me Ry.” He whispered and handed me a CD.

Ouch.

I took the CD and scanned it in, never leaving him out of sight. He looked miserable. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair looked unwashed. He was wearing an old hoodie, I remembered buying for him, and a not-so-skinny jeans. Other then that, I could see a fading bruise on his cheek.

I handed him the CD and he laid the money on the counter before he turned around and started walking towards the door.

I had to do something, quick.

“Wait!” I almost yelled and he stopped but didn’t turn around. I rounded the counter and ran towards him. He turned around slowly and looked up at me through his bangs.

“A-are you okay?” I asked quietly.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Yes” was the only answer I got before he turned around again and left the store as fast as he could.

I stood there like an idiot and looked after him through the glass windows. When I couldn’t see him anymore, I brought a hand up and hit myself. I should have done something, shouldn’t have let him leave.

Slowly, I turned around and headed towards the counter again, but I didn’t feel like working anymore. I took the money out of the cash register and brought it into the back area, where I locked it in the safe. Then I grabbed my backpack and went back into the front of the store. No one was there anymore and I was grateful for that. I turned off all the lights and left, locking the door.

It was already dark outside and I just stood there for a while before I sighed and walked along the sidewalk and towards my apartment complex.

I tried to think about what movie I could watch or what I could eat for dinner but one thing wouldn’t leave my mind.

Ryan.

Seeing him just brought back everything I had locked away so neatly. I was back at the beginning.

Something ripped me out of my thoughts and I stood there dumb folded till I heard a quiet whimper. I took a few steps forward till I could look into the small alley I thought to hear the noise from. It was too dark to really see something but I could make out shapes.

“Shut up!” I heard a dark voice growl.

“Please” My eyes widened as I recognized the quiet voice and I stormed into the alley.

Soon, I could see two men, the bigger one crowding the other one against the wall.

“Let go!” I yelled and both of their heads turned into my direction. Even in the dark, I could see that it was indeed Ryan. He looked totally terrified.

The man let go of Ryan and he slid to the floor.

“Or what?” he asked as he started to walk towards me.

A part of me wanted to laugh and tell him that he let already go, but that wouldn’t be a good idea.

I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out. Fuck, I didn’t think further than that. When he stood right in front of me, raising his fist, I reacted on reflex and I kicked him in the balls, hard.

He let out a funny noise and in another situation, I would have laughed. He landed on the floor, holding his crotch. I stepped over him and ran towards Ryan, helping him up and grabbing his arm to tug him away.

He didn’t say a word and just let himself be tagged along and out of the alley. When we were far enough, I let go of him and turned to face him.

“Are you okay?” I asked concerned. This was the second time I asked him that in a single day.

He nodded quickly and continued to stare at the ground.

“Really?”

He looked up and glared at me.

“Why do you care?” he questioned, still glaring.

He knew how to make me feel like shit.

“What kind of question is this?” I asked with a frown.

“Well, you didn’t care for quite a while.”

I gasped.

“What?! You do remember that  _you_  left  _me_ , don’t you?”

He rolled his eyes and turned around but I grabbed his arm again.

“No, you’re not running away again!” I growled.

“Let me go!” he whined, struggling to get free.

“Do you even know how miserable I was after you left? I quit my job and just lay around, because I knew that you hated me.”

“I didn’t hate you, I was disappointed and angry, but I didn't  _hate_ _you_.” He murmured. “And stop with the self-pity because you have no room to talk.”

With that he struggled free and left. I didn’t hold him back this time and just watched him walk away.

 

*

 

Not 20 seconds after I arrived at my apartment, there was a knock on the door. With a sigh I turned around and opened it to see Pete.

Pete was living in the apartment next to me. He decided that we were friends on my first day here and since then I was kind of stuck with him. He was a nice guy but he could be annoying, very annoying.

He smiled and pushed past me. I stood there for a moment before I closed the door again and walked after him.

He sat down on my couch and looked up at me.

“Why are you here?” I asked, rubbing my forehead.

“I’m bored.” He stated.

“And so you decided to annoy me?”

“Let’s watch a movie or something.”

He jumped off the couch and started looking through my DVDs.

“Pete please, not today, I’m not in the mood.”

He looked up and pouted.

“Why? What happened?”

I shook my head but he got up and grabbed my hand to tug me towards the couch. We sat down and he looked at me expectantly.

“Tell me”

I shook my head again.

“You tell me, now!”

I sighed.

“I ran into my ex today.”

“Oh, that’s never a nice thing. Just forget it, that’s over.”

He got up to look through my DVDs again.

“He’s not that kind of ex.”

“So what kind is he?”

“The kind you want back.”

“That kind exists?” he asked and turned around with a surprised look on his face.

“You’re an idiot.” I laughed and he smirked and sat down on the floor.

“Tell me what happened exactly.”

“He came into the store, that wasn’t so bad though, but when I walked home I kind of saved him from being raped.”

Pete raised an eyebrow.

“Some dirty freak crowded him against a wall in a dark alley, he can be happy that I heard it.”

“And then?”

“He was an asshole and asked me why I care and that I didn’t care for the last nine month and stuff.”

“Did you leave him?”

“No, he left me.”

“Okay, then I don’t get his problem.”

I nodded and thought for a moment.

“I told him how miserable I had been when he had left me and he told me to stop with the self-pity because I have no room to talk.”

Pete raised an eyebrow

“Then I would guess that he lived through some shit as well.” he said then.

I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath.

“Bren?”

“Hm?”

“Do you still … you know?”

“What?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Do you still like him?”

I nodded. His expression looked thoughtful and then he smiled.

“I think I found something against my boredom.”

I raised an eyebrow as he walked over to me and sat down on the couch again.

“Tell me everything and I’ll help you to win him back.”

 

*

 

And so I told Pete everything. How Ryan and I first met, how I fucked up and he left and even how I lay around for six month, doing nothing.

He listened to everything without saying much.

After I finished, he excused himself and left my apartment. I was a bit confused at first, because he left so quickly but didn’t think about it much. I ordered Pizza and five minutes after it arrived, Pete stormed in again, holding up a paper.

“What’s that?” I asked with my mouth full.

“That, my friend, is Ryan’s address, phone number, mobile phone number and the address of his working place.”

I choked and he started to laugh.

“What are you? A professional stalker?”

“Maybe something like that, yes.”

He handed me the paper and I looked at it shortly before I looked up at him again.

“And what am I supposed to do with that?”

“Well, you could start off with showing up at his working place. It’s some shitty bar or something like that.”

“What should that do? He’ll just get angry again.”

“Maybe, but he can’t just run away again. He might be working right now, wanna go?”

He smirked and I thought for a moment, obviously too long of a moment for him, because he sighed and grabbed my arm to tug me towards the door.

“I didn’t want to make it sound like a question. It’s a demand.”

“You’re creepy.”

“I know, but my creepiness will help you win your boyfriend back.”

 

*

 

When Pete stopped the car in some dirty, creepy and way too dark alley, I thought he was joking but no, this was actually were Ryan worked.

I got out of the car, staring at the door that would lead us to the bar or whatever it was. I just hoped that it wasn’t something like a strip club, because that was what it looked like.

“Are you really sure that this is the right place?” I asked again.

Pete looked down at the paper, where he had written down all the information, and nodded.

“I’m afraid so.”

He shot me an unsure look and walked up to the door. He waited there till I joined him and pushed it open.

The smell of alcohol and cigarettes hit me immediately and I just wanted to run away. That wasn’t my scene at all. I tried to breathe less but quickly gave up as I felt the bad air fill my lungs. I brought a hand up to my nose.

“God, he can’t really work here.” I murmured and Pete just shrugged.

“You tell me.” He whispered as we made our way to a table in a corner and sat down.

I sunk back a little bit as I looked around, searching for a familiar face. It didn’t take me too long to spot him at a nearby table.

He was wearing an apron and held a notepad, scribbling down something with a bored expression. Then he murmured something and made to turn around.

I tugged at Pete’s sleeve without looking away and pointed into the right direction.

“That’s Ryan?” I heard him ask and nodded.

Ryan started to walk away and one of the men sitting on the table reached out and grabbed his ass, laughing like crazy.

I gasped and Pete froze.

Ryan turned again and smiled sadly before he almost ran to a door and disappeared inside.

I saw red. I just wanted to get up and punch the living daylight out of the guy.

Pete seemed to notice that and laid a hand on my arm, ready to stop me.

“Bren …”

“What?!” I hissed.

“Calm down”

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down.”

Just as Pete opened his mouth to say something back, Ryan reappeared and walked over to the table again, carrying some drinks on a tablet. He put the drinks down on the table and made to get away again, but one of the guys held him back by his arm and started to talk to him. His friends began to laugh and some even whistled. Ryan tried to get away and when he managed it, the tablet landed on the floor with a loud bang. He blushed and crouched down to pick it up and at that, the idiots on the table started laughing even louder.

“Alright, I saw enough.” I growled and made an attempt to get up but Pete tried to hold me down again.

“Bren, don’t- ”

But I already got up and walked over, hands balled into fists.

“Hey!” I yelled and their heads shot up to look at me, still laughing. Ryan’s expression was unreadable as he stared up at me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I hissed. They started laughing again before one of them, the one that grabbed Ryan’s ass, whipped away a tear and started talking.

“We’re just having fun with the doll here.”

I narrowed my eyes.

“Yes, I noticed. Mind to stop that?”

Now the guy narrowed his eyes and leaned forward a bit.

“Mind your own business, kid. I think he can talk for himself.”

I looked down at Ryan briefly, but his face was still not showing any kind of emotion.

“And anyway, it’s not my problem that he looks like a girl.” The guy said with an expectant look at his friends and they started laughing again.

I clenched my teeth and just as I wanted to say something, I felt a hand on my shoulder and noticed Pete standing there.

“I’ll handle that, you take care of him.”

I wanted to protest, but he already shoved me away. I looked away for a moment before my eyes fell on Ryan again, who was still kneeling on the floor in front of the tablet.

Slowly, I reached a hand out to help him up, but he didn’t even look at me. I noticed the talking on the table getting louder and so I just grabbed Ryan by his shoulders and dragged him along and to the door.

Once outside, I let go of him and turned to look at him. He was staring at the floor, emotionless.

“Ryan?”

He flinched a bit and looked up at me. This time, he looked hurt.

“This isn’t the first time something like that happened.” I stated because I knew that it was true. Ryan’s reaction had told me more then enough. He stared down again.

“What are you doing here anyway?” he asked silently.

I remained silent and thought about something to say.

“Pete dragged me along.” I finally got out, but Ryan just laughed without emotion.

“I bet”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Stop stalking me, Urie.” He hissed and made an attempt to turn around.

“Ryan, don’t run away again.” I whined without physically stopping him. “Please”

He stopped in his tracks.

“Tell me one thing.”

He turned around to look at me and I continued.

“Did you regret it? Did you miss me in the slightest?”

I was frustrated. I just wanted him to say ‘ _yes_ ’ and fall into my arms, telling me that he would never leave again.

He looked away for a moment before he nodded.

“Of course I did, and you don’t even know how many times I wanted to call you. But every time I was about to do just that, the image of you being drunk came back into my mind, of you hitting me. You can guess why I didn’t do it, huh?”

I nodded sadly, because really, I understood it in a way. He had grown up with an abusive alcoholic for a father. Something like that can’t be erased so easily.

The guilt, I had learned to live with, came back all at once and I just wanted to jump off the next bridge.

“I’m sorry” I whispered, staring at my fiddling hands.

“I know you are, but I just … can’t.” he said quietly and a moment after that, I heard the door slam shut and when I looked up, he was gone.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to hit myself for being so goddamn stupid. Why couldn’t everything just be like I wanted it to? Why couldn’t Ryan just love me again? That was the only thing I was asking for.

I brought my fists up to push them into my eyes to hold the tears back.

“Bren, are you okay?”

I let my hands fall down beside me as I looked at Pete, shaking my head.

“I’m sure you think that this was a disaster, but it wasn’t. You stood up for him and if he admits it or not, he appreciated it. He would be an idiot if he wouldn’t.”

I nodded and walked over to the car.

 

*

 

When we got back to the apartment complex, Pete refused to leave me to myself. He sat on my couch again as I sat on the floor in front of the coffee table.

“This is worthless, Pete. He made it clear that we won’t get back together.” I murmured, staring at the TV without really watching.

“I hope you don’t mind me saying that, but I think that he totally overreacted. Sure, cheating and beating isn’t very good for a relationship, but that shouldn’t end it. Especially after what you told me, that you two were the perfect show-off couple and stuff. You should have worked it out, he shouldn’t have run away.”

I sighed and turned around to look up at him.

“I forgot to tell you an important detail. He would have gotten over the cheating, I know that. He would have understood that. The real problem was that I hit him while being drunk. His father was an alcoholic who hit him on a daily basis. I reminded him of his father and now he can’t get that out of his head.”

Realization came over Pete’s features and his mouth formed into an O.

“So that’s the real problem here?”

I nodded.

“Hm, but he should be able to get over that, don’t you think? He’s an adult, not a scared child.”

I sighed again and got up to sit beside Pete on the couch.

“It’s not so easy for him. You can’t even imagine how often I held him at night when he woke up from a nightmare of his father. He wouldn’t stop crying for hours.”

Pete seemed to think for a while before he spoke again.

“Then you just have to make him cry so you can hold him again.”

I glared at him.

“What? I was joking but you know that it would work.”

It would.

“Alright, I say you go there again, not too soon though. In a week maybe.”

“Are you stupid?” I asked seriously.

“No. I would say Saturday. I’ll get his working schedule till then.”

“How are you even getting information like that?”

“The internet is your friend.”

“Seems legit”

He nodded proudly and got up.

“Alright, I’ll stop annoying you now. Good night.”

I waved him a small goodbye and watched him walk to the door.

 

*

 

When I woke up in the middle of the night, I didn’t get what woke me at first. Then I realized that it was the shrill sound of my ringtone. I sighed and looked at the clock on my nightstand.

It was three am. I sighed and reached out to get my phone. I needed a few seconds to get used to the light on the display.

_Unknown number_

Yay

For a moment, I thought about ignoring it, but then I decided that it had to be important. I pushed the green button and brought it up to my ear.

“Hello?” I asked, sounding annoyed.

“Bren?”

Then I was fully awake and sat up in bed.

“Ryan?”

“Y-yea”

“What is it?”

“I’m so-sorry for waking you. Your friend gave me your number and- ”

“Pete?”

“I-I don’t know. The one who was w-with you today.”

“Okay uhm … what’s wrong?”

He stayed silent for a few seconds and I started worrying even more.

“Ryan, talk to me.” I demanded, maybe a bit too harsh.

“These guys from the bar today … t-they are f-following me a-and I don’t know what to do and- ”

“What?! Where are you now?”

“In an alley near the bar. I think they lost track … maybe they gave up.”

I thought for a moment. My first instinct was to go there, but I wouldn’t be able to do much more against those guys then Ryan himself. They were big and could kill me with one move.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

“Alright, stay there. I’ll get you.”

I was about to hang up when I heard him talk again.

“Bren?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry”

I didn’t know what he was sorry for, but I didn’t want to ask either.

“Don’t worry”

With that I hung up and jumped off the bed. I grabbed a pair of jeans and got them on as fast as I could before I ran out of the door. I walked the few feet to the next door and knocked as loud as I could.

At first, nothing happened, but after a minute or so, the door opened and Pete looked at me through his bangs.

“Get dressed, Ryan’s in trouble.”

He looked at me blankly before he murmured something I didn’t understand and disappeared into his apartment again.

I waited for a few minutes till Pete appeared again, perfectly dressed.

“Uhm, we’re not going into a night club.” I stated.

He didn’t respond and closed his door before we started to head out of the complex and to his car. We got in and I told Pete to drive to the bar. He didn’t say a thing but I guessed that he understood because he sped off into the right direction.

When we got there, I jumped out of the car immediately, looking around.

“He said he’s in an alley near the bar.” I whispered. Why did I whisper?

“Then let’s find him so I can go to sleep again.” Pete grumbled.

We walked along the alley and into the next. It was then that we heard the drunken laughter.

“Where are you, baby? Come out, come out wherever you are.”

At the end of the alley were five men. They were holding onto each other for support and were swaying slightly.

“Oh boy, I can’t deal with this right now.” Murmured Pete, bringing his hands up to massage his temple.

“Hey! There he is!” one of the guys yelled and my eyes grew wide.

“Fuck!” I hissed and started running towards them.

Yes, I was stupid.

They were already around the corner and I couldn’t see them anymore, but I could hear them.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck” I murmured under my breath.

I stopped talking when I rounded the corner as well and saw two guys holding Ryan up by his arms.

I heard footsteps and then Pete was beside me, watching the scene as well.

“Can we please get him out of here?” He said and started walking towards them. I followed quickly.

“Let him go!” Pete yelled, now sounding fully awake.

“Look, there are our new friends.” One of them said threatening and I just wanted to run and hide somewhere.

Pete rolled his eyes and took the last few steps till he stood in front of the guy who held Ryan’s arm. Quickly, he kicked him into the balls and the guy fell to the floor.

Pete turned to look at me and started to grin.

“You just have to know where to hit. I don’t know why they’re always wasting their time on fighting in movies. It’s too easy.”

I let out a quick laugh. Really, we had no other way to defend ourselves, even if we looked like girls.

“I guess, you’re right.”

The guy on Ryan’s other side was lying on the pavement quicker then the other guys could react and we were running away and towards the car.

“They’re following us!” Ryan yelled out of breath.

“They’re drunk, they won’t get us.” Pete laughed.

In no time, we were back at the car and I jumped into the passenger seat while Pete got into the driver seat. Ryan hesitated for a moment, but then he climbed into the backseat and Pete sped off.

“I have no problem with getting you out of trouble, kid, but when you plan on it again, then not that early, alright?” Pete asked, sounding serious.

I turned a bit to see Ryan nod before he sunk back into his seat and started looking out of the window. He wasn’t going to look at me and at that realization I had to hold back a sigh.

No one said a word after that and in no time, we were back at the apartment complex.

We got out of the car and Pete walked purposefully toward the entrance. I looked at Ryan and his expression showed how uneasy he felt.

“What about Ryan?” I asked in Pete’s direction.

“Goodnight” was the only thing Pete said at that.

“You could at least give me your key so I can drive him home.”

Pete turned around and glared at me.

“I would rather die then let you drive my car, Urie.”

With that, he turned around again and disappeared inside.

“It’s okay, I can take the bus.” Ryan said quietly.

“The next bus arrives in like … two hours.” I stated.

He looked down for a moment and started biting his lip.

“Come on, I have a guest room.” I said after a while and began to walk towards the entrance. When Ryan didn’t follow me, I turned to look at him again.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a problem.”

He stood there for a few seconds longer till he finally decided to move along and we made our way to my apartment. Once inside, I showed Ryan the guest room and went into bed myself, all of it without a single word.

I managed to lie there for half an hour before I heard the door to my room open. I didn’t open my eyes, pretending to sleep. Everything was silent for a while and at first I thought that he had left again but then I heard soft footsteps coming closer. They stopped in front of my bed and I felt the mattress move. I opened my eyes just in time to see Ryan snuggle up next to me and I shot him a confused look. At first, I made an attempt to retreat, but he grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards him again, burying his face in my chest. Still somewhat confused, I slowly wrapped my arms around him.

“Ryan … what- ” I started but he cut me off.

“Don’t”

After another moment of confusion, I hugged him tighter and buried my face in his hair.

“I missed this … I missed you.” I whispered. “So much”

He just nodded against me and I smiled.

And at that moment everything was perfect, because I had my Ryan, and like that, I was finally able to fall asleep, the smile never leaving my face.

 

*

 

The first thing I realized when I woke up, was that I was alone. I looked around the room but Ryan was nowhere in sight. I jumped off the bed quickly and went out into the hall, listening carefully, but everything was silent.

“Ryan?” I asked and waited for a moment but I got no answer.

He couldn’t just have left.

I walked along the hall and into the kitchen, looking around with a sad expression.

He had left.

I sighed and sat down on the kitchen table, burying my face in my hands.

I sat there like that till there was a knock on the door and I startled. I got up and walked to the door. Hoping it would be Ryan, I opened it just to see Pete. He grinned and walked past me.

“What do you want?” I asked tiredly.

He turned around and brought his hands to his hips.

“Why did you let him leave?” he asked.

“I was asleep, he left by himself.”

“Hm, that’s not what I planned.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Of course, this is all a part of your evil plan.” I said sarcastically.

“But it was! What did you two do?”

I stared at him for a moment before I looked away.

“He crept into my room last night … and we kind of … cuddled.”

He started to grin and I narrowed my eyes.

“You see? My plan worked.”

“Alright, then tell me what I’m going to do next.”

He plopped down on my couch and started to think.

“There are two options. You could just wait or you could call him.”

“And what would I tell him if I’d call him?”

“Well, he has a shitty job, that’s obvious.”

I nodded.

“And you need some help in the store.”

I nodded again, a bit confused.  
  
“You should ask him to help you out in the store. It would help both of you.”

I thought about it for a moment.

“I have to admit that you’re creepy most of the time but that’s actually a good idea.”

He grinned like a proud child.

“And now, make breakfast, I’m hungry.” he said.

I raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not your slave.”

“Hey, I help you with your boyfriend. You could help me out in return.”

I rolled my eyes again and made my way to the counter.

“Alright, what do you want?”

 

*

 

When I called Ryan, it got straight to his mailbox and I have to admit that I was more then a little bit disappointed. I tried it a few times after that, but quickly gave up.

A week passed and I didn’t hear a single thing from Ryan. Pete told me not to worry and that he would come by sooner or later, but I didn't think that he would show up.

Sure, I knew his address and stuff, but I wasn’t Pete. I wasn't a stalker.

 

It was a Monday night when he finally did show up, but it was way different from how I imagined it to be. It was almost midnight when I heard the loud knocking on my door. I was already lying in bed, reading a book, more or less. With a sigh, I got up and crept to the door. Just as I opened the door, someone jumped at me.

I stumbled a few feet backwards and managed not to fall when I realized who it was.

“Ryan? What are you doing here?” I asked the giggling boy, who had his arms wrapped around my middle now.

I watched him a bit before I got it.

“Are you … drunk?” I asked carefully.

He gasped and retreated, swaying a bit.

“No, ‘m not! Why are you thinkin’ that?” he babbled.

Yep, obviously drunk.

“Uhm, maybe because you’re swaying and giggling and … because you’re  _here_?” I asked a bit sarcastically.

He started to giggle again and I sighed, looking up at the ceiling as I thought about what to do next. Just then, there was a knock on the door again and I snorted angrily because I knew who it was.

“Who’s that?” Ryan asked between giggles. I decided not to answer and opened the door. At first Pete grinned, but when he heard Ryan giggle, his expression filled with curiosity as he tried to look past me.

“I see you have a guest over.” He said and then his grin was back.

I rolled my eyes and stepped to the side to let him in as well.

“Hey … you!” Ryan yelled when he spotted Pete.

Pete just raised his eyebrows and looked at me quizzically.

“Drunk” I mouthed and he nodded. Then he turned towards Ryan again.

“I’m Pete.” He said cheerfully and Ryan beamed.

“Ryan!” the other boy said and started to giggle again. Pete eyed him a bit longer before he turned to me again.

“I don’t think that he’s just drunk.” He whispered a bit worried.

I frowned at him at first but when I looked over to Ryan again, who was lying on the floor by now, laughing like crazy, I realized that he was right.

“What should I do with him?” I asked.

Pete shrugged his shoulders.

“He’s excellent for your entertainment in his momentary state.” Pete said with a small apologetic smile and I just sighed.

“Maybe I should just get him to sleep.” I whispered to myself.

“I doubt he will fall asleep in the next few hours.” Pete murmured.

“I’m still here, you know that?!” Ryan yelled from his place on the floor. “And I can perfectly hear you talking about me there!”

We stared at him for a while.

“Maybe we should just get high ourselves and have a good night.” Pete considered.

“Fuck you” I mouthed.

“Oh, can I?” Ryan asked and when I looked at him, he was in a sitting position and staring up at me with big sparkling eyes.

Pete started to laugh and turned around to head for the door.

“I think you can handle him on your own. Have fun.”

“Bye, Pete!” Ryan giggled happily and in no time, I was alone with him.

Ryan went back to lying on the floor and I walked over to the couch, sitting down and considering what to do.

After five minutes, Ryan plopped down next to me.

“Can we make out?” he asked and I gasped.

“W-what?”

I stared at him as if he had two heads and he just giggled and rushed forward in an attempt to kiss me, but I held him back.

“Breeeeeeeen.” He whined and started to struggle.

“I’ll lock you in my bedroom if you don’t behave.” I spat and he pouted and sat back.

“I don’t have a problem with that, but you have to come with me.” He laughed.

“Stop talking.” I mumbled without looking at him as I turned on the TV.

He cuddled with my side but I continued to ignore him. This was what I wanted but just … not like that. He was drunk or high or both and it wouldn’t be right to take advantage of him.

Other then that, I was still a bit angry that he had left the last time he had been here.

“Bren, don’t ignore me. You can’t ignore me because I’m right here!” Ryan mumbled against my shoulder.

I closed my eyes in a try to block him out.

“I miss you. Please.”

I was near tears now. This wasn’t fair.

When I felt his lips against my neck, I jumped off the couch and looked down at him. Without my support, he fell down on the couch so that he was lying. I watched him with a stern and sad face.

I wanted him to go, but I wasn’t heartless, I wouldn’t let him leave, not when he was like this.

“I’ll go to bed, do whatever you want.” I whispered and started walking to my bedroom.

“Don’t leave.” Ryan said pleadingly but I just continued walking.

“Brendon!”

I stopped, because there was something wrong with his voice.

“Don’t leave me! Not again!” he yelled and … he was crying.

Alright, that was too much. I turned around and almost ran to the couch, crouching down in front of it. He turned his head and stared at me with wet swollen eyes. He raised his arms and wrapped them around my neck. I needed a moment before I could hug him back.

“Ryan, you don’t want this.” I whispered against his hair.

“I do!” he whined.

“I thought you were scared.”

“I was ashamed.”

I drew back.

“What? Why?”

He hugged me again.

“Can we go to bed?” he asked, sounding sleepy. I wanted to ask again, but he seemed to have forgotten already. So I nodded and got up with him still wrapped around me.

We stumbled to the bedroom and somehow managed it to the bed. I let myself fall backwards, Ryan still on top of me. I stared down at him for a while and smiled sadly.

This wouldn’t last. He would be gone in the morning.

“Ry?” I asked silently.

“Brenny?”

I let out a silent giggle.

“Will you be gone in the morning?” I asked, totally serious again.

He hummed silently as he thought about his answer and I started staring at the ceiling.

“I don’t know. Do you think I will?”

“Yes” I said simply.

Ryan let out a sad noise.

“But why would I do something like that?” he asked silently and he sounded so fragile and small that I just wanted to stop talking about it, but I couldn’t do that.

“You did it the last time you were here.”

He didn’t respond and I tightened my grip around his waist and looked down at him.

“Do you remember, Ry?” I asked.

He nodded and I looked up again.

“Am I really that bad of a person that you simply had to leave?”

I knew that it was mean to use his state like that, but it was the only way to get an answer out of him.

But he didn’t answer and after a while I thought that he fell asleep, but then I heard him sob and looked down to see him cry again.

“Ry, don’t cry. I’m sorry.” I whispered and sighed.

“No,  _I’m_  sorry, Bren. I’m so sorry, I’m just such a fuck-up.”

“Shh, don’t say that.” I said and started to stroke his hair.

“But it’s true.” He went on crying. “I did everything wrong after we broke up.”

“What did you do wrong?”

“Everything!” he yelled frustrated.

“Shh, stop it, it’s okay.”

“Can we just … sleep?” he asked, looking up at me with big eyes.

I nodded and sat up a bit to wrap the covers around us.

In the time I was lying comfortably, Ryan was already asleep.

 

*

 

When I woke up, I panicked a bit because there was a weight on my chest, but when I looked down, I calmed because it was just Ryan lying there.

Wait.

Ryan?

I stared down at the sleeping boy as if he was a ghost or something like that.

I seriously thought that he would leave again, but here he was. Well, to be honest, the only reason for that was most likely that he was still asleep, and in that state he wasn’t really able to leave, but anyway, I was happy.

But happiness or not, I had to pee.

Carefully, I slipped out from under him and waited a moment to see if he would wake up. He didn’t.

Still happy, I went into the bathroom.

When I was finished and walked out into my bedroom again, Ryan was in a sitting position and was rubbing his temple.

“Morning” I greeted with a big smile.

He looked up at me with narrowed eyes, but not the angry kind, more like the headache kind.

He murmured something I didn’t understand and groaned.

“Do you have aspirin or something?” he asked after a few minutes.

I nodded and rushed back into the bathroom to get it for him and when I came back, Ryan was already sitting at my kitchen table with a glass in his hand.

I passed him the medication and sat down across from him.

“God, my head is killing me.” He murmured.

“Understandable” I said with a small smile.

He looked up at me and just stared at me for a while before he gulped down his water.

“I’m sorry to bother you.” He mumbled without looking at me.

“It’s not a problem, really.”

“Don’t you have to work or something?”

I looked at the clock and sighed.

“Yep, I guess I’m not going today, but that’s okay. It’s my store after all.”

He looked me up and down once more and I started to feel uneasy.

“Uhm, there was something I wanted to ask you.” I started but he made a gesture with his hand.

“I know, you want me to help you out in the store.”

I shot him an asking glance.

“I don’t need your pity.” He spat.

“It’s not that, I need some help and I thought that you might need a better-paying job.” I explained but he just rolled his eyes.

“Leave it”

“Ryan, think logically.”

“I am and I know that I don’t need your help.”

“Well, that seemed a bit different last night.”

He gasped and glared at me.

“Fuck you” he whispered and got up.

“Where are you going?” I asked angrily.

“Home” he simply said as he made his way to the door.

“You don’t have to go. Damnit, Ryan!”

But the door already slammed shut and I flinched. I could just hope that Pete didn’t hear it or we would be here in less then a minute.

Not 30 seconds later, there was a knock on the door.

“Fuck off, Pete!” I yelled.

“Let me in, Urie!” he yelled back.

“No!”

“Calm yo tits, man!”

In a rush, I got up and ran to the door, opening it a bit too harsh so that it slammed against the wall.

“What?!” I yelled.

“What happened?” he asked in a normal voice.

“He left again, that’s what happened!”

“Chill”

“And he doesn’t want to work at the store.”

“He can’t really want to work at that shitty bar where guys are hitting on him every five minutes.”

“Just shut up, okay?”

He walked in and straight to the kitchen.

“No”

“Get out!”

“No”

I groaned and slammed the door shut again.

“Pete, really, just go away, I’m not in the mood for your crazy shit.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Don’t you have something to eat in  _your_  kitchen?”

“Actually, no”

I groaned again and turned away from him before I could beat him to death. Did I mention that he was annoying?

“Bren, open the fucking door.”

I looked up at Pete and then to the door. There was a silent knocking I had missed. I cocked an eyebrow and walked over to open it.

In front of me stood Ryan, head down, looking ashamed.

“The next bus comes in an hour and it’s raining.”

I just stared at him.

“Can I come in?” he asked as he finally raised his head.

I nodded and stepped to the side so that Ryan could walk in. When he spotted Pete, he stopped in his tracks.

“Hey, drug buddy.” Pete called with his mouth full.

Ryan looked away again.

“Are we going to have a house party then? Should I go get my weed?”

Ryan and I both glared at Pete and he just went on eating.

“I’ll just stay here till the rain stops.” Ryan murmured and plopped down on the couch.

“You didn’t want to leave  _last night_.” Pete giggled and I saw Ryan blush.

“Could you just shut up?” he asked and Pete shook his head.

“No, I think it’s fabulous that you’re here, so Brendon can stop dreaming about you.”

“Pete!” I spat with a glare.

“What? I’m just telling him what’s true.” He shot me a last look before he watched Ryan again. “You do know that high or drunk people tell the truth, don’t you?”

Ryan sank down a bit more and decided not to answer.

“Guys, I seriously don’t get you two. You’re obviously head over heels for each other, yes, you too, Ryan. Why can’t you just forget that fight or whatever it was and be happy again?”

Both, Ryan and I looked down.

“You have two choices now. You can be nice or I’ll get you both drunk and it will end up with you making out. Choose.”

I looked up at Pete and had to fight back a smile. Ryan just glared at him a bit confused.

When Pete watched me expectantly, I rolled my eyes and walked over to sit next to Ryan on the couch, who didn’t seem to notice it or most likely ignored me.

“Close enough. Now, Ryan, stop being a bitch and quit your job at that shithole of a bar.” Pete said, sounding like a parent.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Ryan said in a bitchy voice.

“You will work at Brendon’s store, if you want it or not.”

“Seriously, I think that’s my decision.”

“Guys are hitting on you every five minutes at that bar, do you really want that?”

Ryan stared him right in the eye before he gave up and looked away.

“Think positive, when you work at the music store, there’s only one guy who’s hitting on you.”

I laughed and Ryan glared at me.

“And stop glaring. You don’t look very pretty while doing it.” Pete said and Ryan’s face lost a bit of its tension.

“Alright, now that everything is settled, I think I should go.”

I looked up at him and shot him a grin which he returned.

“Bye, lovebirds” he yelled as he walked out the door.

“Lovebirds, really?” Ryan asked with a disbelieving look.

I just shrugged.

“Ryan, what’s wrong with you?” I suddenly asked him. He turned to me with what looked like a shocked look.

“W-what?”

“You always act as if you hate me, but you say that you don’t. And then … last night … you begged me not to leave.”

He stayed silent.

“And what about last week? I just don’t get what you want.”

“What I want? I want to go back in time to the day I left and stop myself from doing it.” He whispered.

Just then, I realized how much he had changed since then. Back then, he had been happy, most of the time anyway. He hadn’t been so serious all the time, especially about problems.

Now, he was tense and serious all the time, maybe even cold.

“Ry, what happened?” I asked frustrated.

He stared up at me for a while before he answered.

“Life”

I grew even more frustrated.

“I have to know, please.”

He sighed and looked away.

“When I left, I went back home. Dad was still the same, you know?”

I nodded and waited for him to continue.

“Maybe a month or two later, I came home from working at the bookstore and found him dead in the kitchen.”

“What? D-dead? He’s dead?”

He nodded and bit his lip.

“Alcohol poisoning, the usual, just that I wasn’t there to get him to the hospital.”

I continued to stare at him.

 

“I had the house to myself then. Turned out he had liabilities, a lot. I had to pay the money back, so I sold the house and got a shitty apartment. A week later, the book store closed and I was without a job. Somehow, through people, I got the job at the bar.”

“Fuck” I breathed out.

He shrugged his shoulders and looked away.

“You could have come back, not like that, just to have a place to live.”

“I realized that, but it was already too late.”

“What do you mean?”

“I did a few things I’m not proud of.”

“Is that what you meant when you said you were ashamed?”

He nodded.

“I needed money and as you said, guys won’t stop hitting on me and- ”

His voice was heavy with tears and I just couldn’t resist. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close.

“It’s okay.” I whispered in his ear.

“It’s not. I’m a fucking whore, Bren.”

“No, you’re not.”

I couldn’t get into my head what he was telling me, because I wouldn’t be able to stay that calm about it.

“I did it a few times when I needed money. I let those guys do to me whatever they wanted. It always ended with me crying when they were gone.”

I didn’t say anything and just stroked his hair as I listened to his weak voice.

“The last time it happened was two month ago but they won’t stop. They always grab me when I’m at work because they know I can’t just run away then. I'm lucky that no one raped me yet.”

We sat there for a while. Ryan was crying and sobbing and I just held him and thought about what he just told me.

“So you didn’t call me because you were ashamed?” I asked carefully.

“I was scared that you would think I’m disgusting.” He sobbed.

“I don’t think you’re disgusting.”

“Really?”

I nodded and drew back, looking at him for a few seconds before I reached out to wipe the tears away.

“I guess I should thank you. You let me stay here, two times. Thanks to you I don’t have to work at the bar anymore.”

“And thanks to me you won’t live in a shithole anymore.”

He looked at me clueless before he got it and started shaking his head.

“Ry, you’re staying with me.”

“No, I can’t do that.”

“You can.”

He tried to protest for a bit longer but when he realized that I wouldn’t give up, he started to smile.

“Thanks”

“Oh and Ry?”  
  
He looked at me quizzically.

“Next time you decide to get high, tell me.”

He frowned.

“What? I would like to join you.”

He started to laugh and that made me laugh as well.

 

*

 

After a few hours, Ryan left anyway, but he promised me that he would be at the store the next morning.

I went to the store an hour later, because I felt bad about not working. There were quite a few people waiting outside. I even stayed two hours longer then usually. When I arrived at my apartment again, I expected Pete to come by, but he didn’t and I was grateful for that. I was just too tired to handle him.

I fell asleep almost immediately and when I woke up the next morning and remembered that Ryan would start working with me, I just had to grin. And that grin didn’t leave my face till I arrived at the store. I had told Ryan to be there at eight am, but since I was ten minutes early, I didn’t expect him to be there already.

I opened up and went inside. I filled up the CD selection with the new ones from the back area and in the time I was done, Ryan was almost 30 minutes late. I looked at the clock three times before I sighed and went behind the counter to busy myself with a magazine.

An hour later, Ryan was still not there and the first people walked in, but no one actually bought something. They never bought something in the morning, they were just looking around.

It was a bit after noon when the first people started to actually buy stuff. That was just how it always went.

I had already given up waiting for Ryan and so I was a bit surprised when he rushed in a bit after lunch time.

“Sorry! God, I’m so sorry! My alarm didn’t go off and I was so tired and just slept till half an hour ago!” he cried as he passed the people to run over to me. I just stared at him without emotion and shrugged my shoulders.

“It’s okay.” I simply said and grabbed the few CDs a costumer laid down on the counter. Ryan waited patiently till I was finished and the woman left till he spoke again.

“I’m really sorry, Bren.”

“I told you it’s okay, now get over here. I’ll show you how to use the cash register.”

He bit his lip and walked over so he was standing beside me. I quickly showed him how to use it and excused myself into the back area, where I needed to order new CDs and maybe new guitars.

Half an hour later, I finished the last order and leaned back in my chair. My head shot up when I heard someone walk into the back area.

“How’s our groom doing today?” I heard Pete’s voice and sighed.

“How did you get in here?” I moaned and he just grinned.

“Ryan let me go back here. He considered if he should let me for at least ten minutes before I just told him that you always let me.”

“I never even let you into my store. Don’t lie to the poor guy.”

“I’m sorry but he’s just so naïve, it’s too cute. Oh my god!”

His eyes widened when he spotted the new guitars.

“They’re awesome, huh? Now, get out!” I laughed.

He glared at me before he left again and when I came into the store again, he already left completely.

The rest of the day went by without events. I showed Ryan how to hang the new guitars on the wall without breaking them. Happened to me once.

When it started getting dark, I closed up and we began to clean everything. All of it without talking, but it was a comfortable silence.

When everything was clean, I eyed everything for a last time before we left and I locked the door.

“I’m pretty sure the store had never been that clean.” I laughed as we made our way down the street.

Ryan just laughed before he went back to silence.

“You’re quiet today. Is something wrong?” I asked worried but he just smiled and shook his head.

“I’m just a bit ashamed that I overslept.”

“It’s no big deal, trust me. Stuff like that happens.”

“Okay”

We walked in silence for a bit before Ryan sat down at the bus stop and I stopped in front of him.

“So, when do you want to get your stuff into my apartment?” I asked.

He shrugged and looked away.

“As quickly as possible I guess.”

“I could ask Pete if he would help us, since I don’t have a car and you- ”

“If it’s not a problem for him.”

“It’s not and even if it is, I don’t care.”

“He’s creepy.”

“I know”

 

*

 

When I got home, Pete was already standing in front of my apartment.

“Dude, keep it down, people will think you’re stalking me.” I murmured as I opened the door.

Pete just shrugged and walked in and towards the fridge.

“How are things with your hobo boyfriend?” he asked without looking up.

I just rolled my eyes.

“Very good, actually. Well, he overslept and was almost five hours late for work, but whatever.”

“It was his first day, that’s normal.”

“Maybe for you … stop eating my food!”

He looked up at me with his mouth full and I glared at him.

“Anyway, he’ll move in with me again.”

“Really?”

I nodded and plopped down on the couch.

“We need to borrow you and your car then, since you won’t let me drive.”

I watched him place all the food on the table before he sat down and started to eat whatever was nearest.

“What about  _‘stop eating my food’_  don’t you understand?” I moaned as I shot him a frustrated glance.

He just smiled and continued eating.

“So, you want me to help him get his stuff here?” he asked between bites.

I nodded.

“Okay, no problem.”

 

After watching Pete eat almost everything I had, I wasn’t hungry anymore, so I just watched TV till he finally got bored and left, but with reminding me that I would see him again later.

I just groaned got up to turn the TV off before heading into my bedroom. I could just hope that Pete wouldn’t show up again, because I was tired and wanted to sleep.

 

*

 

I was in a blessed sleep, when there was a knock on my door. I just wanted to get a knife and stab Pete to death! I jumped out of the bed and went to open the door.

“Alright, that’s it. I have to kill yo- … what?”

In front of me were Pete and Ryan, each with a box in their arms. Pete was grinning like a proud child and Ryan looked as if he would fall asleep every minute.

“Surprise!” Pete yelled and I just stared at him in disbelief. I looked over at Ryan.

“You! Get in!” My gaze wandered over to Pete. “And you! Get out!”

Ryan went past me and let the box fall to the floor as he made his way to my bedroom. I looked after him till he disappeared inside the room and closed the door before I turned to Pete again.

“What is wrong with you? I told you that we would need you to help us … but I didn’t tell you to do it in the middle of the fucking night!” I tried to yell, but found my voice was too tired.

“Whatever, the rest of the boxes are in the car, we’ll get them tomorrow.” He passed me the box and made an attempt to leave. “I’m tired, goodnight.”

I stared after him as he walked over to his apartment. Then I stared at the box in my hands and placed it next to the other one on the floor before I closed the door and went to my bedroom again.

Inside, Ryan was hiding his face in my pillow and a small smile appeared on my face as I walked over and crawled into bed next to him.

When he noticed me, he turned his head so he was looking at me.

“Could you explain to me how Pete got my address?” he murmured, sounding exhausted.

“He’s a world-class stalker.”

“Your friend is very creepy. Might be a reason for me to leave again.”

I laughed.

“Another question. Why did he show up at my doorstep at … uhm … midnight?”

“He’s crazy.”

“Oh, right, thanks for reminding me.”

I stared down at him for several minutes before I snuggled into the covers and reached an arm out for him. He crawled slightly closer and let my arm rest on his hip.

“Maybe I should thank Pete tomorrow.” I whispered.

“Why?”

“ _You’re_  here now.”

He smiled before he hit me on the forehead softly.

“Alright, shut up now. I want to sleep.”

I put my tongue out and for a moment, I thought that he was about to lung forward, but stopped himself.

“Sleep” he murmured again and closed his eyes.

“As you wish.”

 

*

 

Pete forced us to unpack Ryan’s stuff the next day when we came home from work. We tried to protest, but Pete is Pete and he doesn’t understand the meaning of the word  _‘no’_.

Unpacking took us almost two hours, but just because Ryan lay down on the couch every ten minutes and I had to get him to stand up again to help me. Let me tell you something, it’s not very easy to get Ryan off a couch when he doesn’t want to.

Just as I finished the last box, Ryan was lying on the couch again, fast asleep. I sighed and considered if I should wake him. After thinking for a few minutes, I decided that the couch wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep on and that he wouldn’t thank me in the morning if I would let him sleep on it.

I crouched down and shook him slightly.

“Wake up, idiot. It’s not very intelligent to fall asleep on the couch.”

He just groaned and tried to roll over but I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to stay on his back. After a bit struggling, he gave up and looked up at me through half-lidded eyes.

“I hate you.” He whispered with a sigh as he got up and stumbled over to the bedroom.

“I have to admit that I actually planned on you getting the guest room when you move in.” I laughed and he stopped in his tracks and turned around.

“So, you don’t want me to sleep in your bed anymore?”

“That’s not what I’m trying to say. I just think it’s funny that you immediately decided that we sleep in the same bed.”

“Of course”

I rolled my eyes and laughed as he turned to walk into my bedroom … or should I call it  _our_  bedroom?

“Are you coming or what?” he called when I didn’t follow immediately.

“Chill, Ross. I’m on my way.”

 

*

 

Ryan was very helpful in the store and I’m glad that I hired him. Most of the time I let him stay behind the cash register while I helped the costumers or organized stuff in the back.

After a week of him working there, we already fell into a daily rhythm.

Getting up early, going to the store, working, getting home and going to sleep.

That was pretty much it. On the weekend we almost lay in bed the whole time and just got up to eat or to move over to the couch.

I was a bit confused most of the time, because it was like back then when we were together, but without kissing and … well.

I wanted to ask him what this was a few times but it was never the right moment and I was scared that he would get angry and leave or something like that. You could never know with him.

 

On Monday the rhythm started again.

Getting up, going to the store, working …

Ryan was behind the cash register, where he had enough to do. The store was crowded today and I was busy helping a girl picking out a guitar for her brother.

I was explaining to her which guitar would be the best as she started looking over my shoulder and to where Ryan was.

“What’s going on there?” she asked interested and I turned around to look as well.

Ryan had his arms folded over his chest and was looking away from the guy in front of him. The guy was leaning forward and wouldn’t the counter be in the way, would he totally be in Ryan’s personal space. He was whispering to Ryan and Ryan shook his head from time to time.

“Excuse me for a moment.” I murmured before I made my way over there.

“Is there a problem?” I asked angrily when I was standing beside the guy.

He looked up and searched for a second before his eyes fell on me.

“No, we were just having a talk.” He said with a sheepish smile. I narrowed my eyes and looked over to Ryan. He was still looking away and he looked as if he was near tears.

I could guess what just had happened and I turned towards the guy.

“Please get out of my store.” I said with a small smile but the words were full of hate.

“You can’t throw me out!” he said.

“I can, this is my store. Get out.”

He shot Ryan a last glance before he turned around and pushed his way through the other costumers to reach the door. When he was gone, I turned towards Ryan.

“What did he say?” I asked quietly.

He turned his head to look at me and he had the look on his face that meant that he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Was he one of the guys you- ”

“Brendon! Stop it!” he hissed.

“Yes or no?”

He took a deep breath and looked away for a moment before he stared at me again.

“Yes”

“Okay, thanks for your honesty, I guess.”

“He tried to convince me to … does it matter?”

“No, you don’t have to tell me anything.”

“Thanks”

I looked him up and down one last time before I walked over to the girl again.

 

*

 

When we got home later, Pete was standing in front of our apartment. He started to grin when he saw us.

“What do you want this time?” I asked slightly annoyed.

“We’re going out.” He said with a big grin.

“No, we’re not.” I murmured as I opened the door and went inside, Ryan behind me.

“Come on guys! I’m bored”

“You’re always bored. Go find yourself a hobby.”

He made a grimace and walked inside as if he owned the place.

“Seriously, Pete.”

“Come on, you guys need to relax a bit and you still need your first date.”

“We had our first date a few years ago.”

“You know what I mean. Get dressed, we’re heading out.”

“Pete …” I started but Ryan laid a hand on my arm.

“Calm down.” He said softly.

“Do  _you_  want to go?” I asked him and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t care, maybe it would be fun?”

Pete started to clap his hands like a child.

“Yay!”

I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Alright, where are we going?”

“Just to the club down the street so we can walk home when we’re hammered.” Pete said casually.

“We’re not getting- ”

“You will get drunk, believe me. I’ll take care of that.”

I glared at him one last time before I went into the bedroom to change.

 

*

 

Ryan and I were sitting at the bar in the small club. It was crowded and I could just sense that Ryan didn’t like it at all.

Pete disappeared into the crowd after he had two drinks and we were left alone. I stared at the drink in my hand and considered if I should drink it or not. When I looked next to me, Ryan had already finished his drink and got another one.

“Don’t drink too much, that stuff gets you drunk too easily.” I said a bit louder so that Ryan would hear me over the blasting music.

Just when he turned his head towards me, Pete jumped between us.

“Hey guys!” he yelled and motioned to the bartender that he wanted another drink.

I locked eyes with Ryan and sighed. He looked at Pete and then back to his drink before he gulped it down.

When the bartender passed Pete his drink he took a sip and looked between us.

“You should drink a bit more, you two look so tense.”

He ordered another two drinks before he ran off again.

I could fell the effect of the alcohol kick in slowly a few minutes after I drank the drink Pete ordered. I looked to Ryan and I didn’t know if the drink he was holding was the one Pete ordered or another one already. I totally lost count.

“You should stop drinking.” I babbled and he turned his head to look at me. His eyes were unfocused and he had a small smile on his face.

“I want to dance.” He mumbled and jumped off his chair. For a moment, it looked as if he would fall over but he took a hold of the bar and leaned towards me.

“I’m not dancing.” I said.

“Please, if you don’t dance with me then I have to find someone else and you know that wouldn’t take long.” He babbled in his sex voice.

I considered it for a few seconds before I got up and grabbed his arm to get us to the dance floor.

_‘Hot Mess’_  by Cobra Starship was on and everyone was basically just jumping around. Ryan and I started to jump with them. We practically had no chance, because normal dancing would end with the people pushing us around like a punching bag.

I felt a bit claustrophobic but I guess I would have to deal with that. Ryan was singing along just loud enough for me to hear it and I couldn’t stop watching him.

 

_You’re a hot mess and I’m falling for you_

 

“Already happened” I whispered to myself as I crowded closer to Ryan. He shot me a glance but didn’t push me away or question me. He simply leaned in and started to sing the words into my ear.

Screw singing, he fucking moaned.

 

_drunk all night_  
You think you're hot shit   
and oh I love it 

 

I brought my hands to his hips and held him in place when people pushed against us. I could feel Ryan’s hot breath on my neck as he slid down and murmured against my neck. In that moment I wanted nothing more then to get out of here.

“R-Ry” I murmured and he raised his head to look at me. “Let’s get out of here.”

“But I love that song.” He cried and threw his arms around my neck.

 

_You’re a hot mess_   
_I’m lovin’ it hell yes_

 

When the song ended, Ryan let out a whine and stepped back a bit.

I grabbed his hand and lead him out of the crowd and towards the door. Halfway through, a guy stepped in front of me. I let out an annoyed groan.

“What do you want?” I babbled and his gaze went over to Ryan.

“Hello Ryan I didn’t see you in a while. I almost thought you stopped whoring yourself.” The guy said with a sheepish grin.

“’m not whoring myself.” Ryan murmured behind me.

“Sure, listen, I thought we could meet up sometime.”

Anger came over me and I let go of Ryan’s hand to grab the guys’ shirt to throw him against the next wall.

“Listen, you piece of shit. Leave him the fuck alone.” I hissed.

“And who do you think you are? His boyfriend?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“Yes” I said without thinking.

“Oh wow, the whore found himself a boyfriend.” The guy laughed.

I let go of his shirt and just as he started to straighten it, I raised my fist and it collided with the side of his face. Surprised, he swayed a bit before one of the guys next to him grabbed his arm and held him up.

I wanted to say something, but I didn’t trust my voice and so I just glared at him before I grabbed Ryan’s hand again to tug him out of the club.

Once outside, I stopped and turned to him.

"Boyfriend, huh?" he whispered with a small smile, but when I didn't smile back, he let his gaze drop. “Thank you”

“Are you sure you only hooked up with a few guys, because this is the second one I have to get rid of.” I said a bit too harsh.

He looked as if I just hit him when he raised his gaze.

“I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.” He whispered, sounding like a child and I had to think really hard to remember why he was upset. Fucking alcohol.

“Uhm … it’s okay, let’s go.”

I just started to walk when I heard someone yell my name behind us.

“Guys! Are you already leaving?”

I turned around to see Pete.

“Yes” I simply said.

“Alright, I hope you had fun, but with Ryan throwing himself at you like a whore, that shouldn’t have been too difficult.” He laughed and went back inside.

I looked over at Ryan, who was leaning against wall with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Let’s go home.” I said and laid an arm around his shoulders to steady him a bit.

 

*

 

When we arrived at our apartment, Ryan ran inside, swaying a bit too much for my liking.

“This was a stupid idea.” He murmured.

I closed the door and walked over to him.

“Hey, we had fun, didn’t we?”

He stared at me for a bit before he nodded slowly.

“It’s just … like you said, you had to get rid of two guys already and I can understand if it annoys you or whatever.” He babbled.

“It doesn’t annoy me, it’s just … sad, I guess.”

He didn’t look at me.

“But let’s not talk about it, okay?”

He nodded.

“Uhm, why did you call me your boyfriend?” he asked after a while.

I shrugged my shoulders and walked over to the couch.

“Maybe to get away from that bastard … maybe because I meant it.” I said when I sat down.

Ryan watched me with unfocused eyes.

“So … do you want us to … get back together?” he asked, sounding unsure.

“I thought that was the whole point of all this.” I said, raising my arms.

Ryan bit his lip, considering. Then he nodded to himself and walked over. I looked up at him when he was standing right in front of me.

He seemed to wait for something because he stayed where he was till I raised my arms towards him. He smiled and urged forward to straddle my lap. I wrapped my arms around him and he buried his face in my neck for a moment before he looked up again. He just watched me with half lidded eyes. We stayed like that for a while till I couldn’t stand it anymore. I urged forward and pressed my lips to his. At first he was tense, but then he relaxed and started to move his lips against mine. My tongue licked his lower lip and he opened his mouth for me to slide my tongue in. Our tongues danced around each other for quite some time when I started to moan and cupped Ryan’s erection, which were obviously there.

He gasped and drew back.

“B-Bren?” he breathed.

“Hm?” was all I got out.

“Could we maybe … not move any further then that … at least for a while?”

“You’re obviously not drunk enough.” I laughed but he remained serious.

“Please” he whispered. “I don’t want to just …”

“It’s okay.” I murmured. “Let’s just sleep before I start humping you.”

He giggled and I made an attempt to get up but he just stared at me mischievously.

“Alright, hold on.” I said as I gripped his shoulders tighter.

His legs tightened around my waist and his ankles locked behind my back as I got up from the couch. He was silently giggling into my neck and I made my way over to the bedroom.

When I was about to closed the door behind us, I heard a knock on the door.

“Fuck you, Pete!” I yelled happily before I closed the door and walked over to the bed to throw Ryan onto it. He landed on his back, still giggling.

“Alright, stop that. You’re turning into a girl.” I said, trying to sound serious.

“Well, you’re too rough to be the girl here, so I have to play that part, huh?” he giggled.

“You’re drunk.” I slurred.

“So are you.”

“Yeah”

I threw myself onto the bed and landed on top of him.

“Bren, you’re crushing me to death!” Ryan cried from under me.

“Shut up, I try to sleep here.”

“Get off of me!” Ryan yelled, now laughing.

I tried to push down harder on him and earner a squeak from him before I rolled off and landed next to him.

“I could have died!” he cried.

“No, I’m not that heavy.”

“Really? Your ass is massive! You could have killed me!”

“I’m hurt, Ry. Now I feel bad about my ass.”

He smiled sweetly and cuddled closer into my side.

“I love your ass, you know that.” He said quietly and I could just hear that he was smiling.

“And I love your everything, Ryan Ross.”

“Are you telling me that you love me, Brendon Urie?”

“Maybe”

Ryan raised his head to look at me.

“Maybe?”

I laughed and raised a hand to ruffle his hair.

“I fell in love with you that day in the school hallway.” I said with stupid grin, but it was true.

Ryan just looked at me and he looked so young.

“You look exactly like you looked back then right now, just without the eyeliner.” I whispered.

“You really remember all of that?” he asked and laid his head back down.

“Of course! Why are you thinking I forgot?”

He shrugged and didn’t say anything.

“I couldn’t get you out of my head after I first saw you.”

He let out a laugh but remained silent after that.

“When I asked you to hang out and you said yes, I made the happy dance when I came home.”

“The happy dance? What would that look like then?” he asked, laughing as if he couldn’t believe what he just heard. I decided not to answer and just went on.

“And you just dragged me to those parties.”

“Yeah, you hated that, I could tell.” He whispered.

“Then why did you force me to go there all the time?”

“I don’t really know … I just didn’t know what else to do, I guess. But I stopped and watched dorky Disney movies with you, just like you wanted.”

“You hated them.”

“Except for Aladdin!”

I started to laugh.

“Yes, except for Aladdin. And it was while watching Aladdin when we started to make out.”

“We were high.”

“Tell yourself that. I was just too charming. You couldn’t resist.”

“You can stop telling me our life story now. I lived it, too, you know?”

“But I like thinking it through again.”

“Can I sleep while you do it?” he sighed.

“Whatever”

He cuddled closer, even if that wasn’t really possible.

“I remember that we annoyed everyone in school because we just had to make out in front of everyone. Spencer always hit you after we did it and Jon made disgusted noises.”

I laughed at the memory.

“I miss them sometimes. I miss it when we all met to play stupid videogames. It sucks to be an adult.”

I just stared at the ceiling for a while.

“I know I told you already, but after you left, I didn’t do anything anymore. Jon had to get me out of my apartment. I should thank him again. If I wouldn’t have the store, I wouldn’t have met you again.”

I sighed.

“I’m sorry, Ry. I won’t fuck up this time. I promise.”

I waited for him to answer, but he didn’t and when I looked down at him, his eyes were closed and his breathing even.

Fucker really fell asleep

“You’re an idiot, Ry.” I laughed and rolled onto my side so that I could wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his hair.

“But at least you’re my idiot.”

He started to struggle a bit.

“Love you” he mumbled against my shirt. I beamed and patted his head for a moment.

“I love you too”

 

**End**


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